You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
