I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
