All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
