he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
