Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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