dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
