is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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