I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm at about main and main street
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
