i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
