The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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