The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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