She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
