and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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