I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
