All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
