Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
