dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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