i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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