I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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