btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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