and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
pop tarts are not kleenex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
