Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Someone came in the potted fern
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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