I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
