I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
