So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
