At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
