ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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