Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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