I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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