I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
