1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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