dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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