I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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