And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
