How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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