about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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