drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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