is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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