He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
