Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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