You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
