Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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