so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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