i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
