Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
