if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
