My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
