I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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