he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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