whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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