just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
