I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
