You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize