I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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