found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
