I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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