i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
