The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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