I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
