I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is the high leading the old right now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
