My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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