Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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